Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thankful Thursday: Bee-Worthy Share

hope believe dream 

Losing Dreams, Finding Hope
by Lilly Lane - Kids without Diagnosis 
Saturday, 17 March 2012 at 23:06 

From the moment you feel those little bubbly tummy wiggles
And feel the life inside you grow
You dream of what will be
You dream of baby giggles,
smiles, and laughter

As a mother to be, these are things you just know

And when you see those eyes for the first time
And you fall in love
There is nothing in the world at that moment
that can break that dream

Until you realize there is no cry
And you don't know why
She seems happy to just lay there
and not feed
She moves, but in a strange way
Her head is shaped funny, you don't care you tell yourself

I am her mummy
And I love her whatever

As time goes on it seems ok
You tell yourself it's not that bad
Those dreams still remain
Until there is no first smile
No first roll
No first word
No first step

The bleachy smell of the hospital walls and floors become your second home
As the medical world scratch their heads
And tell you they really don't know

You know, inside deep inside
Those dreams have shattered and been stolen away
In the end it doesn't matter what they say
You realize you have lost your baby in a way

Not in breath but in dreams of the future
Dreams of forever
Dreams that will be never

As you spiral down in to the unknown
An internal battle rages on
Information overload

Do I grieve or do I cowl
Do I dare to dream again?

The answer is yes but not as before
Dream with the hope that you find in your love and in her soul
Between your heart and your head there will always be war

But as long as there is hope, new dreams can be formed
There is hope in her eyes, and dreams of making you happy
Of feeling your love, and seeing you smile
She doesn't understand why you cry
Or why you constantly ask why

So hold her close when you feel that burst
Of hopelessness outside you lurch
And dream of the day that you will be happy
To accept the new dreams and hope that she shows you
In her eyes and in her unconditional love

Written by C.J Lane Founder of Lilly Lane - Kids without Diagnosis on Facebook.

**I wrote this for myself and for my daughter Lilly, this is the journey which I am now travelling and wanted to share it with others in the hope that they dont feel so alone. I am still facing a daily battle between lost dreams and finding hope, but when I look at her big wide beautiful eyes I see she needs me to be at peace so I can love her in her entirety.

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