Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Snappy Comebacks

If you're a parent to a child that is less than "typical," I'm sure that you can appreciate some of these... although personally, I'm not always caught at the right time to put my skills of wit to good use, these comebacks make me smile. 

I read these as posted from Lisa Jo Rundy, a blogger at About.com, in her article "Snappy Answers to Annoying Comments." Although her article is in response to her child living with autism, any parent to an extra special little one will likely find comfort in this list I am posting... I added my own comments in bold:

1. He can’t be autistic -- he can talk/make eye contact, smile, engage! *or in my case it is, he HAS to have a brain or he wouldn't be able to do (insert long list of achievements here)... never mind the MRI scans that clearly show otherwise, in the form of a dark blank area where his brain is generally supposed to be 

And yet, amazingly, he’s still autistic! Y’see, autism is a spectrum disorder, and that means … *though not autistic, any condition is associated with a broad range of variances... hydranencephaly included

2. Oh, she must be SO good at math! (or science or music) *I've really got nothing in comparison here, I'm pretty sure that the only assumption made in correlation with hydran is the assumption that our children are not supposed to be more than a vegetable

Actually, her great talent is in memorizing and reciting lines from Sponge Bob videos! (Or those annoying Thomas the Tank Engine songs!)

3. All he needs is more discipline, and he’ll get the message. *oh, that's the trick... more discipline?!

Yup, it’s true -- if you give a child enough time outs, he’ll just stop being autistic. And if I speak French to you loudly enough, you’ll become fluent!

4. You poor thing, it must be so upsetting to have a child with a disability. *or the broad range of other pitiful remarks: "did you KNOW he wasn't 'normal' when you were pregnant with him?" or even better, "if he's terminal, why do you even bother to try?"

Yes, it can be hard. And pity really helps me to get through the day and feel better about myself and my child. So…thanks so much! *actually, the most upsetting part of having a child with a disability is facing insensitive comments from persons such as yourself... and what exactly would you expect me to do, have him put to sleep like an old dog?

5. Will he be able to go to college (or get married or hold down a job)? *or sit by himself or ever have a "happy" life?
Hm. Good question. By the way, has your daughter’s divorce been finalized yet? And I’m so sorry to hear that your son was recently laid off from his job… *how's things going for your kid in rehab and didn't your other kid have a mental breakdown and end up in the asylum?

6. I have a friend whose child was autistic, and she cured him! *you should take him to (insert long list of specialists I've likely already tried here) and try (insert long list of therapies/supplements/treatments here)

Wow! So I guess she’s enjoying the millions she made after figuring out how to cure autism? I bet her second home is a yacht!

7. If she can’t behave properly, you shouldn’t BRING her to the grocery store! *maybe you should leave him at home next time so we don't have to see or hear him and his non-stop yelling (which is actually his way of "talking")... or more often, "don't you have a pacifier for him?"

Wow -- that would be great. Should I fax you my grocery list, or send it by email? I’ll really enjoy the delivery service! *and could you please ask your child to not talk so loud about which cereal they do and do not like?

8. We can’t include him in typical classes, it wouldn’t be fair to the other kids. *I guess you'll be homeschooling... or more recently, "why is he going to preschool?"... or why would he be in class with regular kids when he can't do anything?

Hm, that’s an interesting perspective. So I guess you have a pretty big endowment to pay for all the law suits? That must be great! *and I wouldn't want my child's non-communicable condition to infect your child, and last time I checked he is a regular kid too... perfectly capable of interacting in a classroom environment, even if in more unconventional ways

9. We can’t accept her at our school because she doesn’t have a learning disability.*or he cannot learn at all, I thought I read he doesn't have most of his brain!?

Ohhhh… what a shame! Oh, wait, look, she’s suddenly developed dyslexia! Can she come to your school now? *and I thought you did have a brain, but you're obviously not using it so maybe you don't have one either!?

10. You should make more time for yourself! *although I value the importance of actually doing this...

You’re so right! So will you be babysitting tonight or tomorrow night? *finding a reliable sitter for a medically fragile child that you can actually relax enough to MAKE that time all about yourself is next to impossible, but thanks for the thought!

Oh the joys of parenthood... and the reality of where rude children model their behaviors from!

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